Rock You (Fallen Star Book 1) Read online

  Tex curled up on the edge of the bed. It felt odd, him being so close. I tried to concentrate on the movie but I wasn’t used to watching things with people. Instead of looking at the screen, I kept noticing weird things like the way his eyelashes sat against his cheeks as he blinked and his long, thin fingers curled around the pillow he’d somehow commandeered from me.

  Those were strange things to notice and I had no idea why I was noticing them.

  Since I wasn’t paying attention to the movie, I had no idea what made him laugh. The noise startled me and I realised I’d never heard him really laugh before. He’d laughed at me the first night he’d seen me in the kitchen but that was a dry, sardonic laugh. This was a full belly laugh. I glanced over and laughed myself, even though I had no idea what was so funny.

  “You watch some weird stuff, don’t you?” he said. “Don’t you watch normal stuff, like, umm, I don’t know… what do people even watch nowadays? Gossip Girl? The OC? No, I guess that’s pretty old. English language stuff at least?”

  “Go get me some snack foods and I’ll tell you.”

  I hated telling people about my life, too many bad memories of having to stand up at the front of class on first days, condensing my life story into a few sentences and having eyes glaze over after filing me in the “weirdo” category. But, somehow, I thought Tex would understand. I mean, the guy wasn’t exactly normal himself.

  He saluted and jumped off the bed. He soon returned with a bowl filled with candy. I reached for some but he held it above my head.

  “No candy until you tell me.”

  Damn him.

  “It’s no big drama or anything,” I said. “I just lived in a lot of places growing up. My parents love to travel and they worked in some really remote places. Teaching English and that kind of thing. We moved around a lot, a couple of years here, a couple of years there. I’ve lived all over the place – Japan, Korea, Kenya. Even Indonesia for a few years. But not even in cities. In little towns where I was the only white girl half the time.”

  “That must’ve been tough,” he said. He’d lowered the candy bowl so I grabbed a handful.

  “Yeah, really. Not only was I a freak but everyone knew I’d move on in a few years. It got to be a big hassle to make friends so I’d just sit at home and watch whatever was on TV. At least it gave me something to talk about with people. I made it like a project to know more about local things than anyone. Then I’d manage to fit in somewhat. That was the theory, anyway.”

  Tex nodded as I spoke, in a way that made me feel he understood.

  “It never worked though. People either treated me like I had some kind of contagious disease or else wanted to be friends with me for the novelty factor. The novelty would wear off pretty quick smart though and I’d be left alone again. I never really knew where I belonged. After the fourth move, I stopped trying but I’d really started loving some of TV shows and movies. By then, I’d started getting really into computers. Not playing games or anything but programming.”

  I took some more candy and waited until I’d finished chewing to continue. I thought Tex would be bored to death he didn’t seem to be snoring.

  “I’d go into stores sometimes or be on the bus and little kids would look at me and start bawling. Sometimes they thought I was a witch because I had red hair, other times I’m not even sure why they did it.”

  “Little kids can be weird sometimes.”

  “Little kids learn what their parents teach them. They’re just more honest about showing it.” I tried to keep the bitterness out of my voice. “At my last school, I’d given up even trying. Then this other girl came to school. She was a Canadian exchange student and I thought maybe we’d be friends. Within weeks, she was best buddies with everyone. So, I figured it was just me. Like there was some handbook about how to fit in and I’d not got my copy.”

  I scrunched up my face, wondering if I needed more candy.

  “When Mum and Dad decided to come back home, I thought it’d be fantastic. I’d be able to blend in instead of being a freak. I had two years of high school left and they were going to be the best years of my life. But, of course, it didn’t work out like that. I was still a freak. People would talk about stuff – rock groups or TV shows and I had no idea what they were talking about. Like I thought Taylor Swift was a guy! And I had no idea who the Kardashians were. Then I found out and wondered why I would ever need to know that.”

  Tex laughed but in a kind, concerned way.

  “They’d stare at me as though I was from Mars or something. I got put into some advanced classes at school so I spent all my time studying. I didn’t need anyone else anyway.”

  “So what did you do after that? You didn’t graduate uni?”

  I shook my head. “Nope. And we should get back to the movie or we’ll never finish watching it.”

  I turned the volume back up. Tex stared at me like there should be more to my story. And there was but I wasn’t going into all that. I’d already told him more than enough. It made me feel a bit queasy. I mean, I’d never told that stuff to anyone else before. Why had I opened up to him?

  He was just not good for me to be around. Even as I thought that, he leaned over and patted my arm.

  Without thought, I flinched from his touch, flying back and bashing my head on the wall behind me.

  Tex looked at me for a moment then got up and went back to the sound booth.

  I rubbed my head and watched him leave, wanting to call him back and tell him it was okay. He’d just startled me, touching me like that. I’m not a touchy person. But, if I told him that, he might think he had free reign to the Ruby wonderland. Things were getting complicated.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Normally, the casual routine of our days had a calmness that we both enjoyed, and I marvelled that I could live so close to someone without it irritating me too badly. Tex mostly stayed out of my way. I cooked and did what cleaning I could. Even the weather had gotten a bit warmer.

  I sat on the bed, doing some coding while Tex read a book on his. He wasn’t the type to interrupt me with stupid questions and I wasn’t the type to interrupt him. If anything, it was kind of comforting having him nearby. Even the rhythm of his breath matched mine.

  “Hey, was that a car?” Tex asked. “Are you expecting anyone?”

  I looked up from my computer, hearing the crunch of footsteps on the gravel outside. I jumped up, ready to fend off any visitors.

  When I opened the door, Hannah swept in.

  “Where’s Tex? He’s not answering his phone.”

  Tex rarely answered his phone. He rarely had it switched on. He figured if anyone wanted to contact him, they’d leave a message and, when he eventually got the urge to actually charge his phone, he’d reply.

  “Tex? Tex?” she called.

  While she waited for him to appear, she looked around the studio.

  “You’ve got this looking rather cosy,” she said.

  I wasn’t sure if she was being serious or if she meant it sarcastically. The studio was a far cry from her house.

  “I mean it. I’ve lived in far worse.”

  I doubted that. She looked like someone who’d lived in luxury all her life. Still, I wasn’t going to argue with her.

  Tex finally appeared from the bedroom.

  “We’ve got business to discuss,” she said to him.

  Tex and I exchanged looks, both thinking there was something we should do in this situation but not really knowing what it was. Should I offer her a drink and get her a seat?

  Maybe she wanted me to leave.

  When we didn’t respond, she sat down on one of the crates.

  “I’ve got your royalty payment for the quarter,” she said. “I’ve put it in your bank.”

  Tex’s face remained blank. He didn’t even ask how much, which would’ve been my first question.

  “The thing is, this payment is substantially more than usual. Because of the soundtrack. I thought I’d drop around and let you
know so you didn’t freak out when you saw it.”

  “Soundtrack?”

  “Tex, we discussed this. The song that was used on the movie soundtrack. It’s really taken off.”

  I suspected there was something more to it. She wouldn’t have dropped around just for that. She’d have to realise that Tex wouldn’t even bother checking his bank account. Also, her tone was laced with something more, like she was working up to something she knew wouldn’t get a good reception.

  “Uh, okay. Do you want a coffee?” I needed to not be involved.

  She looked at the jar of instant coffee on the table and shook her head. Tex and I both didn’t care what we drank so long as it had caffeine in it but I’d noticed Hannah had a very expensive coffee machine in her house.

  She crossed her legs and looked at Tex, as though trying to arrange her words into the most pleasing shape. I figured it’d be best for me to be not around while they talked but Hannah’s chair blocked the outside door and Tex’s blocked the bedroom. There was no escape. Not unless I asked one of them to move.

  “The song is doing really well. It’s created a whole new interest in the band.”

  Tex took a slug out of his water bottle, keeping his gaze on hers. “I don’t like where this is going, Hannah. I think you should stop right there.”

  Since the fire, Tex had been so subdued that I’d got used to that side of him. The side that was like a cute but mistreated dog. I’d forgotten he could be vicious and snarling. He didn’t raise his voice but his whole body tensed. If he had hackles, they’d surely be up.

  I really wanted to leave them to their business talk but didn’t want to be the one to break the tension between them. And, hell, things were just getting interesting.

  “It’s not just about you. I’ve spoken to the other guys. Brownie and Devon are fully behind this. They’re willing to leave the past behind. But they can’t do it without you.”

  “Run out of money is more like it and wanting to cash in. You know better than to even ask.”

  Hannah recrossed her legs, trying to look casual but you could tell she was tense too. The little things gave her away – the way her fingers twisted around the strap of her handbag, the twitch of her nostrils, her voice just a little too forced.

  “The money is one thing. There is also forgiveness and moving on. Don’t you want to put all that shit behind you? You can’t be happy living like this. You are miserable, I can tell. You need to open yourself up and let things heal instead of holding them all in.”

  “Are you my life coach now? I’ve moved on. I’ve moved on by making the decision to never perform again. I’m nothing now, just a has-been that gets played sometimes on the oldies channel. Even if there’s some interest, it’ll be forgotten in a month’s time.”

  Hannah smiled, as though she had one more card to play.

  “Not so forgotten. You’ve got an offer. To headline RockFes. Not just play. Headline. You’ll get top billing. It’s not something any sane person would toss aside.”

  Tex’s fingers tightened around his water bottle, cracking the plastic.

  “Not going to happen. Now run along and play with the other bands on your roster. Forget about us except when it’s time to collect those royalties. Surely you have enough headaches without bashing yourself over the head with this?”

  She sighed and stood up.

  “I can handle another headache.”

  “Even if I was going to play a festival, which I’m not, it wouldn’t be one in the middle of winter. What kind of fool festival is that? A festival for penguins?”

  “It’ll be finished up before it gets too cold. You can headline and still be home and tucked up in your bed by 10 o’clock.”

  I’m pretty such she said “soft cock” under her breath after that but I didn’t quite hear and her face looked so business-like that I might’ve imagined it.

  “Okay, let’s forget about it for now. We don’t have to give an answer straight away. You might feel differently when you sleep on it.”

  She smiled then gave me a wink. Why was she winking at me? I had nothing to do with it. I was totally on the outside. Tex and I didn’t have that kind of relationship. The functional kind.

  ***

  After Hannah left, an awkwardness descended on the studio. Tex acted like a caged lion, pacing and slamming things around.

  I asked him if he wanted lunch.

  “I don’t want lunch. I want some peace and quiet.”

  Whoa, he hadn’t snapped at me like that for a long time.

  I needed to get away from him until he calmed down. The trouble with living in such close quarters was that there was nowhere to escape to except outside. His sulky fit was even more than my noise-cancelling headphones could cancel out.

  I couldn’t concentrate and I began to feel edgy. In the end, I put on my coat and boots and headed out. If I went to the bay, I wouldn’t see anyone and I could clear all the emotion that was buzzing around me.

  I’d not been to the bay before but I’d seen a track leading down that way from the bus stop. If I stuck to that, I’d get my head in the right space, even if it didn’t lead anywhere. At least there’d be no people around to bug me. I wasn’t sure if people went to that beach in summer but it was cold enough to stop anyone else being there.

  By the time I got to the end of the driveway, I wished I’d put my hoodie and maybe a few other layers under my coat. The sun shone but the wind was bitterly cold. Because the studio was soundproofed, it kept warm and I’d forget how cold it was outside.

  I found the track and clomped down it. It was overgrown and the branches scraped against my legs. My jeans protected them but it made for slow progress. At least the track was all downhill but my boots began to rub.

  Why was Tex so against performing anyway? If he hated it so much, why did he keep all his music equipment around him? Why had he rushed back into the house to rescue his guitar?

  He was lying to himself, that was for sure. There was some big secret going on there that he kept hugged to his chest like a security blanket but really he just wanted someone to come along and save him.

  But that would not be me. It wouldn’t.

  I couldn’t save anyone.

  By the time I made it to the beach, I hobbled on my blistered feet. The wind whipping off the ocean stung my face with its bitter coldness and the overcast day meant the whole scene took on a murky grey tinge. This was not where I wanted to be. I couldn’t keep living with Tex. His moods affected me too much. While I admitted I could be anti-social, it was my choice. I didn’t like being around people and could happily exist on my own. Tex wasn’t like that. He wasn’t naturally introverted. He locked himself away from the world as though doing some type of penance.

  I didn’t know if I wanted to probe into that whole part of him. Surfaces were good. I liked surfaces.

  I found somewhere to sit and got out my phone. I’d looked up information about Tex but I’d not actually seen footage of the band. I was curious to know what he was like on stage. Could the brooding man that had been thrown into my life actually capture a crowd? It sounded like that festival he’d been asked to headline was a huge deal. He wouldn’t be offered something like that without a reason.

  The signal on the beach was a bit dodgy and I had to wait for an age for the video to load. I’d found a clip of him performing, not just a video clip with him lip syncing to a backing track. Finally, I had enough cached to play the thing without it jumping around like a mad woman.

  It wasn’t like I had the experience to know what made a band good or not, so I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. That man who walked on stage at the beginning of the song was just a pimped-up version of the Tex I knew. He walked proud instead of slouching but he had the same sardonic smile.

  As the lyrics belted out to be carried away by the wind, the man on stage took control of the thousands of people watching him. What he did wasn’t natural. It was some kind of witchery or voodoo. He became someon
e else. A powerhouse of thrusts and growls. Every move he made was larger than life.

  Feelings welled up in me while I watched him. Strange, unfamiliar feelings. Sensations powered through my body, heating me up despite the winter chill. My skin flushed and tingled. As soon as the song finished, I replayed it, needing to hear it again. Needing to see him again.

  I imagined what it would be like to have that man on stage sweep me up in his arms, pressing his lips against mine, stripping me naked.

  Oh. My. God. I wanted to have sex with that man. But that man was Tex.

  No.

  Not possible.

  Ever.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  When I got back to the studio, I couldn’t look at Tex. I had to tell myself that it wasn’t him. That man in the video was someone else. It might’ve been Tex but it was Tex of a lifetime ago. That Tex no longer existed. Wanting him was like wanting a fictional character in a story. It was just an image or a dream, not a real flesh and blood person.

  Anyway, I was so exhausted from the huge walk, that I didn’t have the strength to hold my eye lids open. I’d been so happy that it was downhill on the way to the beach that I hadn’t considered the logistics – that it’d be uphill all the way back.

  I flopped on my bed, wanting to sleep without even taking off my boots and coat.

  “Hey, you’ve got sand all over the floor,” Tex said.

  “Well, I’m the one who has to clean it up.” I turned to him then quickly turned away. I couldn’t look at him.

  “Fair call. Well, I’m beat. I’m going to bed.”

  He stripped his top off with me so close to him. I could see his naked back out of the corner of my eye. He had beautiful skin. And I did not want to look at that. The thought of his skin made me squirm. I could NOT think of Tex as a man. I had to think of him as just Tex.

  “You could be a bit more careful about privacy, you know.”

  “Huh?” That made him turn so I got the front view. His jeans hung off his hips and I’d seen what those hips could do. There was no unseeing that.