Bad Boy Redemption (Bad Boy Rock Star #3) Read online

  “That actually makes some sense, Spud,” said Angie. “What’s with you tonight, actually not talking shit for once? The problem is, that would be hell on Hannah. She’d be up there in the spotlight with everyone wanting a piece of her—and not in a good way.”

  I could definitely see the sense of Spud’s idea, but the thought of it made me shrivel inside. I curled up on the couch in an attempt to protect myself from the idea of it. I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t. I’d have my private life up for the whole world to judge. Eric’s idea had been the best: I’d just do nothing. At this stage, I didn’t even know what was happening with my dad. Maybe it’d be nothing, it’d pass without much notice.

  “Are you really coping with this?” Angie asked again. “I can punch someone for you if it’ll make you feel better. Maybe Spud?”

  I nodded. I would be fine. I thought I would be fine. It wasn’t like there was any alternative.

  “Guys, if you get contacted, you need to say nothing, okay? Nothing at all. You know nothing about this and can’t comment. I mean you, Spud. No running off at the mouth to reporters.”

  Spud nodded.

  “Wow, this is exciting, isn’t it? A real life drama.” Denise had been sitting next to Spud so quietly that I’d forgotten she was there.

  “Nice that my life is providing entertainment to you.”

  She smiled back at me and grabbed Spud’s hand.

  I did feel a bit better though, knowing that they all supported me. I didn’t want to ruin things for the band or wreck this chance, but I sure didn’t want to go through this alone either. And I didn’t want to keep things hidden from them like I had before.

  “Don’t worry, Hannah,” Eric said. “I’m sure things will work out for the best.”

  He could say that but they were just words with nothing behind them. There was no way this could work out for the best. Not for Dad, and not for me.

  Even though everyone had been wonderful, I wished they’d all leave so I could be with Jack and have his strong arms wrapped around me, making me feel safe. I could take comfort in him and forget about this horrible day for a while. But Jack seemed in no hurry for anyone else to leave. He started talking to Spud about the arrangements for the next day’s recording.

  He didn’t even look at me.

  Chapter 8

  Angie and I decided to check out some office spaces. We weren’t sure if we could afford any of them, but we both had a free afternoon so figured it was worth seeing what was available.

  Our main criteria was a place to put a coffee machine and room to stack up all the merchandise we’d acquired. It wasn’t like we wanted anything fancy or even in a great part of town. Close to the apartment would be good though.

  “So, what happened after we left?” Angie asked.

  “Not much. Jack was strange. Aloof. I don’t know what I expected. I mean, he’s not the most sensitive of guys in the first place, but you’d think he’d know I needed to have some comfort.”

  “He’s a dick sometimes. You need to tell him. You need to spell it out for him.”

  We walked down a street looking for the address on the slip of paper. The smeared smoked glass fronts of the buildings and the signage with missing letters along the street didn’t make it my first choice but this office was cheap.

  “So what about his mother? Have you heard from her again?”

  I shrugged. “Not a thing. Maybe I won’t. Or not for a long time, anyway. Wow, I thought things were going to be so great once the band got signed but it seems like it’s just one mess after the other. Jack’s problems and his mother, my father… At least Spud wasn’t so messed up last night.”

  “Yeah, he’s been hitting it hard lately. I don’t think his new girlfriend is much use, either. She just encourages him.”

  I stopped in front of an office building.

  “I think this is the place.”

  I didn’t want to say anything to Angie, but I’d slept on the couch again. Jack had seemed agitated and I thought he should sleep alone. I had a crick in my neck from the weird angle I’d been sleeping. I’d have been happy to settle in with him for a long, slow session of hot sex, but he’d not even seemed keen for that. It was like being part of an old, married couple, but we’d only been living together a few weeks. Had he lost interest already?

  The woman from the real estate place turned up with the keys to the office. We got inside and the place was awful. Beige, beige and more beige, with some hints of salmon pink. I guess we could’ve painted over that but it just had a bad feel to it. And a weird, chemical smell.

  “Not good,” said Angie. “I don’t like the feng shui.”

  I’m not sure if Angie knew much about feng shui or if she was just saying it to get us out of this place.

  “Thanks,” I said. “We’ll keep looking.”

  “There is another place,” the woman said. “It’s much bigger, with a residence attached. I don’t know if you’d be interested.”

  A residence? I loved Jack’s apartment, but it was Eric’s place really. Maybe if we moved somewhere else we could have a solution to our issues, temporarily at least. Jack’s problems would need a lot more than a change of scenery to resolve. But I could have my own room and my own bed.

  “We’ll take a look at it. It can’t hurt to look.”

  The woman drove us to the other property. It was a bit further out of the centre than our current place, but in an awesome neighbourhood. The building was in a row of terrace houses. Downstairs was a huge, open office space with a small kitchen and bathroom behind it. She took us upstairs to look at the residence. There were two bedrooms with large windows looking out on the street and another two smaller rooms at the back. Jack could have his own music room.

  “If you head up the stairs there’s a rooftop deck.”

  I nearly squealed when I heard that. A rooftop deck sounded really freakin’ awesome. The best. The absolute best. Angie and I went up to check it out. You could see all the way back over the city, the silhouette of office buildings in the distance.

  “This would be amazing for some sunset drinks,” said Angie.

  The woman went back downstairs to let us look further.

  “So, is this a moving with Jack thing, or a moving without him thing?” asked Angie.

  “Come on, it’s not even a thing as yet. I was just looking for an office, not a whole new place to live. I’ll have to discuss it with Jack. I mean, it happened really fast, the whole moving in together thing, but it seemed the natural thing to do.”

  “Yeah, but you want this place. I can tell by your face.”

  I had no idea what Jack would think about this idea. He’d never mentioned wanting to move, but I could see a whole lot of advantages. I could imagine an ideal life, living in this place with Jack. It was nothing fancy but it’d be a space of our own, a regular home filled with light and happiness. I’m pretty sure Jack wasn’t the shopping-for-furniture-and-curtains type, but I’d have fun with decorating the place. It’d be mine. I wouldn’t be living in bits of space I had to carve out around everyone else.

  “It’s a great place, but it would leave Eric with the flat to himself.”

  “Ha, he might enjoy that.” I nudged Angie. “Anyway, I have no idea if I can afford it.”

  We went back downstairs and asked about the rent. It wasn’t cheap, but it wasn’t unreasonable. It looked like a winner but it’d be a lot to think about.

  “Hey, there’s a basement. You could at least hide out there if you needed to,” said Angie. “The reporters will never find you there and the light would be lousy for photos.”

  I groaned. I’d been trying to forget that. The whole point of the outing to look at offices had been to avoid thinking about that.

  Jack was in a foul mood when I got back to the apartment.

  “Are you finished up in the studio?” I asked. “You’re home early.”

  He grunted.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

 
He didn’t really answer. He just bashed things around in the kitchen. I waited for him to stop.

  “Did the recording go well?”

  He sighed. “It was shit. I’ve got to get this song together but it’s just not happening. My brain is fried. I’ve lost it. I have nothing. I thought I had it all together, but when we played it in the studio, it sounded like a heap of cheesy shit.”

  I rubbed his shoulder. “It’ll be fine. You’re got some strong stuff already.”

  “True, but I want something special. One killer track.”

  “I’m sure you can do it.” I smiled at him. “You just need to relax.”

  He put his arm around my waist and pulled me to him. He seemed calmer already. “What do you suggest?”

  The look in his eyes made me buzz all over. It felt like it’d been forever since we’d had sex, even though it was just a few days. I raked my nails down his chest. His breathing got ragged. His hands moved down my back to my butt, cupping my cheeks, and our lips touched lightly. As we kissed, his cock rubbed against me. I laughed a little.

  “What’s funny?”

  “It feels good,” I said.

  Then he bit my bottom lip, just enough for me to feel it. He followed that with nips trailing down my neck to my left nipple.

  “You aren’t going to ruin another outfit,” I said, slipping my dress over my head.

  He laughed and bent me over the kitchen bench. I gasped and gripped the bench edge as his cock rubbed over my arse.

  “What if Eric comes home?” I asked.

  “He’s staying at his mother’s tonight.” Jack pushed my knickers down and slipped his fingers between my legs.

  I leaned forward onto my elbows as I heard him unzip his jeans.

  -o-

  Later, when we’d made it to the bed, he wrapped me in his arms as I rested my head on his shoulder.

  “What’s for dinner?” he asked.

  I shrugged. “Eggs? Baked beans? We could go out and get something? Or maybe you could cook.”

  “I could.” But he made no attempt to move; he just trailed his fingers down my arm.

  “Hey, I went to look at office spaces today.”

  “How’d that go?”

  “Well, not bad. I found a place. It has a residence upstairs.” I tried to sound like I didn’t care one bit about his reaction but I held my breath waiting for his response.

  “A residence? You mean like an apartment?”

  “Yeah.”

  He stretched out and put his arms behind his head. I moved his arm back around my neck.

  “What’s wrong with this place?”

  I drew apart from him. I needed to explain this to him properly so he’d understand.

  “I’m having trouble sleeping with you.”

  “I’ve had no complaints so far.” He raised his eyebrow.

  “Not the sex, you doofus. The actual sleeping.” I took a deep breath. We’d never discussed this before, but I had to plunge in now while I had the chance. “I know you don’t like to talk about it, Jack, but have you ever seen anyone about your problems?”

  “I don’t have any problems, babes.” He kept his voice light but I felt his body stiffen against me.

  “You smashed me across the nose the other night. I had to sleep on the couch. To be honest, it scares me.”

  I didn’t look at him. I didn’t want to see his reaction to that. This was like a balancing act, trying to say what needed to be said without him shutting me down.

  He sat up and swung his feet around to the floor but didn’t leave.

  “I’d never hurt you on purpose. You know that, right?”

  “I know. Of course, I know. But I think we need to work on it. I can’t spend the night sleeping with you, and I can’t keep sleeping on the couch.”

  He turned his head although his body still faced away from me.

  “I’ll sleep on the couch. You shouldn’t have to.”

  That wasn’t the solution I wanted either. Sleeping on the couch wasn’t good for either of us.

  “I think you should go to a doctor.” I paused. I knew he wouldn’t like me saying that. “We have to deal with this problem. I don’t know what is causing it but I did some research on the Internet. You could try some medication…”

  I waited for him to answer. At least he hadn’t walked out. At least he was willing to discuss things. That was a good sign.

  “I dunno, Hannah. It’s been like this forever. When I was a kid, my mum would scream and carry on in the night. Apparently I did too, even back then. I didn’t even know it wasn’t normal until I got older and stayed over with friends.”

  I grabbed his hand, linking his fingers in mine.

  “So, you’ll go see a doctor?”

  He didn’t answer for a long time.

  “Impossible. I tried once. I went to a doctor and he gave me some pills but it all went away—the music, I mean. I couldn’t play, I couldn’t sing. I couldn’t write a song for shit. Everything I had disappeared. I can’t do it. I can’t lose everything.”

  His voice sounded so desolate. I rose up and put my arm around him. I pressed myself against his body, hoping that my warmth would help.

  It wasn’t like I didn’t believe him but I wasn’t sure his talent came from that dark and damaged place. When I listened to him play, it wasn’t just the darkness I heard but the light, the part of Jack that could be loving and gentle.

  “Maybe you could learn to make music on different terms…” I wasn’t even sure of the words to say to reach him. “Is there anything that sets it off? Does it happen when you are stressed or upset? I know things haven’t been that settled lately. Maybe, when things get sorted…”

  “I don’t know. I mean I don’t even know it’s happening unless someone tells me. You or Eric or someone.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Sometimes I wake up in strange places. Until I met you, I never spent the night with anyone. I didn’t want them to think I was a freak and I didn’t want them to see me do things I couldn’t control. Then I met you and I realised it didn’t matter because you are freakish enough yourself.”

  I play-slapped him as he turned to me with a laconic smile.

  “I’m not a freak. And you aren’t either. We can fix this.”

  “I don’t know if I want it fixed.”

  He sat on the bed for a long time, not talking. My hand was still linked in his. He just seemed to be staring off into space.

  I didn’t want to say it but I wanted it fixed. Our whole relationship hinged on it being fixed.

  “What about Eric? What would happen to him if we moved out?” Jack slipped his jeans back on. “Anyway, I’m going out to have a look at the car.”

  And with that, the whole thing was dismissed. This was the part of Jack I hated. The part of him that shut me out and walked off without resolving anything.

  Chapter 9

  I came downstairs in my suit. Jack always laughed at me when he saw me dressed like a “corporate bitch”, but this time he wasn’t laughing. He’d slept on the couch again, as though he felt obligated to do so now, but woke up when he heard me in the kitchen.

  “You aren’t still going to work for that guy?”

  “Yes. It’s my job.”

  He glared at me.

  “We don’t need the money. You have a job—managing my band.”

  “And having contract law experience is only making me better at that job.”

  He stared at me and I stared back. I sure as hell wasn’t going to back down on this. I couldn’t let him start controlling my life or who knew where it would end.

  “He’s a creep. You said so yourself. And you’ll be alone in that office with him all day. That isn’t good, Hannah.”

  I turned on the coffee machine and let the noise drown out his voice. I remembered last Thursday we went a whole day without arguing. That was a great day. I should circle it on my calendar.

  I made Jack a coffee, despite his bitching.

  “I can look a
fter myself. I’ve known this guy since I was a kid. He’s not going to start sexually harassing me now. He’d get a swift kick in the balls and a lawsuit. I’m not a simpering little sap who can’t stick up for myself. Anyway, there’s a whole office full of people. It’s not like we’re alone.”

  “Cheers,” said Jack, picking up his coffee. “Is there ever going to be a day when I say something and you go, ‘Yeah, Jack, you are totally right. I’ll do that’?”

  I sat down beside him.

  “Chances are pretty damn low on that, I’d say.”

  Jack laughed.

  “You wouldn’t love me if I was like that anyway.” I punched him on the arm.

  “Who says I love you?”

  “You do, every time you look at me and every time you speak to me. You may as well get a tattoo on your face saying ‘I love Hannah’ because that’s how much it shows.”

  Jack’s kiss tasted like coffee and that made it all the sweeter. It was like multitasking.

  “Okay, get off to work, but if he gets out of line he’ll have me to deal with.”

  The job wasn’t that challenging. It was mostly filing and photocopying and any other boring stuff that no one else wanted to do. It didn’t even pay that well but it got me into his office, like an undercover operative. So I wasn’t lying about it being good experience.

  I had to remember to get Frank to sign my forms for uni, too. In all the fuss of my last visit, I’d totally forgotten to ask him.

  We’d got to the end of another boring work day and I was about to leave when Frank said he’d go too. That was unusual. Normally he stuck around for a stupid amount of hours, working himself crazy. I guess without a family, he didn’t have much to go home to.

  “How about grabbing a drink?” I asked, figuring that would be a good time to see what information I could get out of him.