Seduction Game (Art and Soul) Page 17

  Finally, I got there. I’d forgotten how scary it was. Why had I not done this in the day time? Too late now. I wasn’t coming back a second time.

  I found his storage locker. Number 513. Last time I’d been there, I’d been so happy.

  I got the letter out of my bag. I’d not even put it in an envelope. Then I had a thought. I got the sketch I’d made out of my bag. It’d become dog-eared and smudged from being carried around but I put it with the letter. I didn’t deserve that drawing anyway.

  The only thing I could do was slide the paper under the crack of the door and hope it didn’t get stuck under anything. This was a flawed plan, not much better than sticking the letter into a bottle and throwing it out to sea. I just had to trust that if Junichi was meant to get my letter, he’d get it.

  CHAPTER 35

  I took down the paintings from the empty room. Most people wouldn’t worry about taking down their work until tomorrow but tomorrow I’d be on the plane. That twisted my stomach into so many knots you could turn it into a macrame plant hanger.

  Sean still walked free but I had that money in my bag. I wouldn’t even return to the house. I’d spoken to Belle and we’d rent an apartment in the city as soon as I returned. He never need to know I’d come back.

  I had a cross body bag that I never took off and it was safe inside that. Maybe I should’ve put that money in my bank account but it was more complicated than I imagined it ever could be, sending money out of the country. They charged you a heap of fees and, even worse, if there was a record of me having this money, some official government person somewhere might start asking questions.

  Even with everything that money represented, though, I hated it. It was a constant reminder of the damage I’d caused. The whole time it seemed to scream to me that I’d been a whore. I’d buried my pride and let myself be used by those people.

  I’d taken the final painting down and had a box ready to pack them. One of the painting tutors was organising to have our work shipped home, so I just needed to get that sorted.

  After I was done, I planned to meet Yumi and Shun for dinner. They’d asked what I wanted.

  “Sushi,” I’d said. “I’ve been in Japan this whole time and never eaten sushi. But cheap sushi. I’m poor.”

  “It’s our treat,” Yumi had said.

  It was kind of embarrassing to have kids younger than me pay for my dinner but I didn’t argue.

  I wrapped the paintings carefully.

  “Hey!”

  I spun around. It was Ingrid.

  “Last day, huh?”

  I nodded and kept packing.

  “Pathetic.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You’re as miserable as hell. You are going to leave the country without ever talking to him again, aren’t you?

  “There’s nothing to say. It’s over. Finito. Owarimashita.”

  Even though the sadness of the situation cut me to the bone, I did have a moment of satisfaction that I’d remembered one word from my Japanese class.

  “It’s not over until you say it’s over. Audrey, you have to fight for things in this world. You have to fight to free yourself from your psychotic ex and you have to fight to end this well. One day you’ll be an old lady lying alone in your bed wondering ‘what if’.”

  “But it was my fault. It was all my fault. I kept going back to Sean, even when I knew what he was like.” My voice began to break. I’d cry and I was determined not to. Sweat beaded on my face. “It was my fault,” I repeated.

  Ingrid put her arm around me. I stiffened but didn’t move away.

  “It wasn’t your fault. It was never your fault. That guy broke something in you. Don’t let it stay broken.”

  This whole feelings thing got a bit much for me.

  “Sure. I’m just going out on the terrace for a moment.”

  I walked out knowing she was right. Sean had broken something in me. Or maybe I’d already been broken and he’d found those cracks and exploited them.

  The fresh air hit me. I needed to gulp that air in. Think of the good things, being home with Bella. Having enough money for once in my life. I’d have given it up in a heartbeat just to have Junichi look at me again.

  I leant on the railing. This would be the last time I looked over the campus. Already a few leaves turned orange on the trees, even though it was July.

  I had to get out of this mood. I needed to be cheerful and bright when I met with Yumi and Shun. I couldn’t let them think for one minute that I had regrets.

  As I watched the figures move around the campus grounds, one stood out. I could’ve sworn it was Junichi. But Midori had said he’d dropped out. Why would he be here?

  He came closer, close enough that I could be sure it was him.

  “Junichi,” I called, but my voice wasn’t strong enough to reach him. It was just a tiny croak.

  I wasn’t even sure why I called. He’d turn from me, reject me cold. But he’d walk right past the building and he’d be gone if I didn’t get his attention. Even seeing his face filled with hate would be better than never seeing his face again. I needed that one final glimpse, like a junkie needs drugs.

  “JUNICHI?”

  He wouldn’t look. I knew it. He would not look.

  But he stopped mid-stride.

  “JUNICHI!”

  He looked up.

  What did I follow that up with? Hell, I’d seen his face. I should run. That was enough.

  “Junichi, I love you.”

  Fuck. Those words had come out before my brain engaged. He kept looking and so did a dozen or so other people on campus. He’d be so angry. That was the last thing he wanted, people hearing something like that.

  He kept looking, though, and there was no hate on his face, just bewilderment.

  I needed to keep him looking at me. I had to make him understand. What could I do? What could I say?

  He walked closer to the fine arts building, not saying anything. My heart filled with the nearness of him. His gaze became tangible, like I could reach out and touch the line from his eyes to mine. I had to make him understand.

  There was only one thing, but could I do it?

  He smiled but it wasn’t the usual smile, the warm one. He smiled in the way that someone smiled at a crazy woman. I’d get even crazier if it kept him near me.

  “I never wanted the money, only you.”

  As I screamed it, my hand reached into my bag. I grabbed that envelope. I didn’t need that money. I needed security and I needed self-respect. Otherwise, what was I? No better than Mr Tachibana.

  I would need to fight Sean, not just run away. The money could buy me some time but I’d never escape Sean until I was strong enough to fight him.

  Junichi stood almost under the terrace now.

  “What?”

  “I only want you,” I screamed.

  I held the envelope and shook the money out. Notes fluttered to the ground, some getting caught in the wind. They rained down. The whole thick wad of them.

  As they fell, a weight fell with them. I’d carried them like a burden. All of the hate and bullshit I’d been through lifted from me. The way the Tachibanas had treated me, the way I’d been treated by Sean, even by my father and people in our town. I wasn’t a tramp. I wasn’t no good. I could build something of my own.

  The notes fluttered in the wind, flying over the campus grounds. A few students came running, grabbing for the money as it fell through the air, not even letting the notes settle.

  Junichi stared up at me, open-mouthed. One of the bills fell on his face. Others at his feet.

  How Junichi felt about that was up to him. I was free. Empty but like I could fly.

  CHAPTER 36

  By the time I got back to my paintings, I did have a twinge of regret. All that money, gone. I was so tempted to run downstairs and see if I could gather some of it up.

  Ingrid had gone and I had the room to myself again.

  I got my paintings packed and boxe
d up. While I did it, I checked my phone constantly. It was a faint hope but maybe Junichi would call.

  He didn’t call.

  He didn’t text.

  I left the assessment room to head home and change. I had most of my clothes packed but I wanted to look nice for dinner.

  As I left the building, someone called out to me.

  “Audrey.”

  “Junichi.”

  That’s all I could say. After screaming out for the whole world to hear that I loved him, what could come after that? He leant against the building wall, dressed in jeans and a leather jacket. There was something different about him. His hair hung down in his face. That was the rock Junichi, the one who shone. Why was he dressed like that on campus?

  I walked toward the gates. He walked beside me, holding something out. “Keep the money.”

  I looked at the crumpled bills in his hand.

  “I don’t want it. Really. It’s dirty money.”

  “You earned it, fair and square.”

  Ouch, that hurt.

  “I didn’t…”

  I couldn’t explain. If he didn’t know how I felt by now, he never would. Still, my heart skipped around because he walked with me. He had waited for me. He wanted to see me.

  “I don’t care that you did it,” he said. “I don’t even need to know why. I told you to trust me but I need to trust you too. You must’ve been pretty desperate for money to agree to something like that.”

  I wasn’t sure from what he said if he’d read my letter or not.

  “Oh, it wasn’t that bad,” I said. “There were some benefits.”

  “I bet. I’m pretty in demand you know.”

  I bent my head, not wanting him to see the huge grin threatening to bloom on my face. Just having him answer me like that made it feel like we were back to somewhat normal.

  Still, those words I’d screamed hung there. He’d not mentioned them. We walked through the campus grounds to the gates, beside each other but not touching. Maybe he was scared to touch me. He didn’t want to give me false hope.

  “Where are we going?” he asked.

  “I’m going to get changed.”

  “And after that?”

  “I’m meeting Shun and Yumi for dinner.”

  “Oh, they’ll be surprised.”

  “Huh?”

  “Seeing us together. We have to tell them, Audrey.”

  My insides went crazy. I thought I’d vomit, because I’m such a romantic like that. Was he saying what I thought he was saying?

  “And after that?” he asked.

  “I’m going home.”

  “We’re going.”

  He grabbed my hand. I stopped walking. “We’re going home?”

  “I’m going with you. Whether you want me or not. I need to get out of this whole crazy situation. My family are so fucked up. I came to uni today to find you.”

  “You dropped out? Midori said you had but I wasn’t sure if she was just full of shit.”

  “I’ve taken a year off. A gap year, although it might end up being more than a gap. I need to make it on my own. I hated every time you said that because I knew it was true. A year. To see what I can do on my own.”

  All the questions that swam in my head had to wait. I could only stare at him. His expression had no sign of joking, though.

  He pulled my letter out of his pocket.

  “I haven’t read it. I was wrong. I can’t force you to trust me. No matter what your past was like it’s made you what you are today. All I can do is stay with you and prove to you every day that I’m not like the people who hurt you. I love you, Audrey. I’m going to tell Shun that tonight so he gets his eyes off you.”

  I opened my mouth to say that Shun was just a little kid but before I could talk, he kissed all the words away. On this street, leading to the station, crowded with students where anyone could see him, he swept me into his arms and kissed me. He kissed me until my toes curled and my legs shook. He kissed me until all the sense in my head disappeared. He kissed me until all the cracks inside me filled with light.

  “Hey Sunshine, you’re going to get in trouble doing that.”

  CHAPTER 37

  “Did you read the letter I wrote?” I asked Junichi.

  We sat in some fancy airport lounge, thanks to Junichi. If I was on my own, I’d be on some crappy seat, unable to afford even a sandwich. This place had all the free food you could eat, drinks too. But my stomach was close to bursting and something else had been bugging me too.

  “No, I said I’d only read it if you said it was okay.”

  “It’s okay,” I said. “In fact, I think it’s essential that you read it. There are things… well, I’d only been thinking about myself but, if you are coming with me, you need to know about them.”

  It’d only struck me that morning that Junichi might be walking into a situation that could endanger him. I’d imagined all kinds of fucked up situations where Sean would come after me and Junichi ended up hurt. Sean wouldn’t hold back.

  Junichi got the crumpled pages out of his bag. He unfolded them and then smoothed the paper out on his knee.

  “I might get a drink,” I said.

  He nodded. I couldn’t sit and watch him read that. He might decide he wanted to run far away from me. My world was a long way from his. I couldn’t imagine Junichi getting into a fist fight or even a confrontation.

  I had no idea where we’d live or what we’d do once we got home. Junichi had a working holiday visa and planned to get a band together. That made me so happy for him. If only we could live without the threat over us.

  I glanced over. Junichi was still reading. I squeezed my fists together, nails digging into my palms. I picked up a bottle from the table in front of me and poured a glass. I had no idea what I’d even poured. The drink thing had just been an excuse to get away.

  He folded up the pages and put them back in his bag. Then he stood up. Damn his face, not having expressions or anything to show what he thought. I needed to know that. He might say he loved me but those were just words. Love is nothing without action. This might be a world of trouble he didn’t want to get into.

  He walked toward me. My body went rigid. If I didn’t move a single muscle maybe this would work out okay. But my nose twitched. Hell, some woman wanted to get to the drinks. I had to move out of her way.

  He didn’t have to live with me. He could live in a different house. In a different city. We wouldn’t see each other as much but he’d be safe. I’d suggest that to him. So long as he didn’t reject me altogether.

  He got close to me. That was a good sign. He hadn’t kept walking out the door.

  Then he put his arms around me and pulled me close. Into a tight embrace.

  “I didn’t know,” he said.

  “Of course you didn’t know, Sunshine. It’s all in there, my whole disaster. If you want to walk, I understand.”

  But he kept holding me. The woman pushed past us with her wine. He didn’t let go.

  “I’m with you, Audrey. I’m always with you.” He took my hand and led me back to our seats.

  “But you understand, right? Sean. Even if I take him to court, even if I get a restraining order against him, he might be back. He’ll get out of jail one day. I can’t see a time ever when I’ll be free of him.”

  Junichi took my head.

  “Do you get it?” I asked. “You’ll be at risk.”

  He nodded. God, I wish I’d never got him involved in this. I’d been so selfish.

  “I’ve been at risk all my life,” he said. “We might not be filthy rich but we have enough money that there are threats. I’ve learnt self defence.”

  “Ha, you know karate or some shit?”

  “That and some other shit. Black belt.”

  “Right.” I rolled my eyes.

  “Shut up, Audrey, and listen. I know how to protect myself, especially from some bully like this guy. He needs someone to stand up to him.”

  “Black belt, re
ally?”

  He nodded. “Not just me but Yumi and Shun too. Since we were kids, we had classes. That’s what Shun did on Sundays. Did you never ask him?”

  I hadn’t. “Wait, Shun can do that shit? No way. Every time we wrestled, I’d kick his butt.”

  Junichi shook his head. “He faked that so he had an excuse to touch your boobs.”

  “No way, he’s a little kid.”

  “A very precocious kid. Anyway, listen to what I’m saying. You need to learn too. You have to be able to fight. I can protect you but you’ll be scared of this guy for the rest of your life. I don’t want him to have that control over you. Take classes, learn to fight. You need to use your own power.”

  I nodded my head. If I had Junichi with me, I’d fight. I’d have something to fight for. Belle should learn too.

  “Time to board,” Junichi said. He took my hand and together we walked to the plane.

  The future stretching out before us seemed surer now. Maybe Sean would come after me. He was crazy and he was stupid too. But I’d not run from him. I’d not be backed into a corner. He’d tried to kill the light in me but I’d shine brighter than ever.

  THE END

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